V Day Approaches

It's raining again. It was only a couple of days ago that I had a nose bleed cause of the warm weather and now, ironically, its raining hard. It kinda sucks because I love rain but it adds up to the loneliness. To my loneliness. It is almost Valentines day and all I have is my job and this crazy California weather. My days are stretched into hollow emptiness and meaningless hard work. I work hard and yet I don't feel that I gain anything. I lose part of myself in my work and my stress-levels have gone way above normal rate. It is almost not worth it. Or it is really not worth it. I strive towards a better me but somehow, it does not go hand in hand with a better love life. People say, "Be more open," or "Go out there." Yeah right. It's easier said than done. I am the most open person I know. I am myself most of the time, so why am I still single? Conceited as it may sound but I think I am a great girl to hang out with. I am good company and listener and the world is missing out on a great adventure. I talk too high of myself but it helps to ease out the failure of havign a real commitment.

Maybe it's because of my attitude. I easily change moods all the time. It's a yo-yo from this minute to the next. I can't stop it. It has total control over me. A wise gay man once said, "You're moods swings are in direct proportion to your stress-levels." That is so totally true. Maybe a guy should have lost their minds before getting in a relationship with me afterall.

So far...I hate Valentines Day.