My mom left for Colorado this morning. I may sound like a baby but I feel vulnerable when my mom is not around. Yeah, I do feel the freedom and independence but I miss her when i come home and she's there with cooked food all the time or when she asks me, "How was work?" In spite of this, I am happy for her because of this retreat. This retreat is one of spiritual healing or growth; somewhere along those lines. I do hope that she has fun and not to worry about us too much.

What plans do Ko and I have for this weekend? Well, it definitely includes lots of alcohol, that's for sure. But not the kind of alcohol that we used to drink. If this was last year or a few months ago, we would have bought Jose Cuervo, Smirnoff Vodka, Dole juice, and maybe some Corona Light or New Castle. But we are a pair of re-invented drinkers who now enjoy a glass of red wine or some chardonnay. Okay, we don't exactly afford the chardonnay but Ko did bring back from Europe 4 bottles of chardonnay and our latest favorite drink, Sangria which can be bought at your nearest groceries for five bucks. So yes, we like to indulge ourselves in the sweet taste of heaven once at night. No clubbing for this pair because the only time we enjoy going out at night and dancing is when our third wheel is here, Oat! So wait untl Christmas break.

We can also add in some scrabble matches with that wine or some drunk-ass pictures. Although i doubt that we would get drunk with those wine. Trust me, it's a tried-and-tested thing of the past. But the fun never ceases and it's always a pleasure to be in the company of a remarkable person like Ko.

There's also that school Daniel will have at school. Maybe a little chaperoning perhaps? Doesnt matter. As long as we can get up in time for our weekly 10:45 masses. Yes, I have been going to mass for the past year and haven't missed any Sundays, I think. It feels rather empty when I don't and I feel very uneasy if I miss a Sunday mass. For this reason, I pride myself for trying because I am not the most holy nor am I the most faithful of all Christian Catholics out there. I do try my hardest though.

So we'll see this weekend.

XOXO Yana

Forks, Washington

I woke up today and it was extra chilly compared to the last couple of weeks. It dawned on me that it was surprisingly foggy at this time of year. I can't help but welcome the stupid notion that maybe i was dreaming and that i had woken up at Forks. That maybe "Edward Cullen" would climb my window...which is not even up the ground...and make me swoon. I welcome his bite on my neck and make him suck all the blood out of me and make me suffer for days, excruciating pain, and wait for me until i join him in his world of beauty and mystery.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a gothic person nor am I satanic. Let's all be honest...for every girl, its always a sensual thought for a vampire to lure you into his hypnotic eyes and, maybe, make love to you; the best you will ever have in this lifetime, then suck you dry or turn you into a vampire like him. That danger and mystery is always a turn on for girls, women even. So I am not about to become a hypocrite and deny this fact.

so my days have been long and a little filled. Oat has come back a month ago and spent a week here before flying back to Wisconsin. Ko followed a few weeks later. I have been doing errands with Ko and it has kept both of us busy. Considering that we are on the hunt for something interesting to do on the weekends. Some days we just end up in our backyard swing talking big dreams and aspirations. There were talks about lots of money, becoming a billionaire, music producer for his part while I prefer a more subtle take like after the success wears off, i would love to grow old owning a small, chic/bohemian cafe with the same customers and a house by the beach or maybe owning a vineyard somewhere.

Here's what we came up with on weekends. Of course, there is an involvement of booze and games. He introduced to me this awesome wine, Sangria. It's imported from Spain and it has a very fruity taste. I do love alcohol but, ironically, i hate the taste and that's why I do everything in my power to cover it up. So when I tried this wine, i fell inlove with it. It also didnt hurt that it was only $5 at Albertsons or any grocery store. Then we were hanging out at our garage and decided to turn it into a hang out place. It definitely has a lot of potential since it has a bed and a couch in there. Those two furnitures didnt quite fit in our house. There were empty alcohol bottles that my sister collects, lots of board games and stuff. So our project is to organize everything and cover up the stuff with some sheets to make it look cleaner and put some lights in there. I cant wait.

Did I mention that Gossip Girl premiered??!?! I believe that Blair can make it through NYU. She's a queen bitch and she doesnt own that title for nothing. I am so hating on Geor-gina! Anyway, so Ko and I are TV buffs and we are watching lots of shows.

1. Gossip Girl
2. Melrose Place (remake)
3. 90210 (remake)
4. Vampire Diaries
5. One Tree Hill
6. Project Runway
7. America's Next Top Model
8. Grey's Anatomy
9. So You Think You Can Dance
10. America's Best Dance Crew
11. Drop Dead Diva
12. The Beautiful Life
13. Dancing With The Stars
14. The Hills
15. The City

Yes...we're hooked.

Other than that, I have not been up to anything interesting. Just living life one day at a time.

XOXO Yana

I have been seeing Gian for the past couple of weeks. No we are not together and we're not even dating. Let's just say we have "fun" together. I call him up or the other way around and we meet up when we're bored. I don't exactly feel very moral when i'm with him but I have to admit, I like what we do. That is exactly the reason why I dont tell my mom. Gian and I meet up whenever we have the chance.

Dont worry, im still a virgin. Let's just put it this way...there's four bases, similar to softball. Gian and I have gone to 3rd base. The longer i spend time with him the more I feel like we are not a good twosome if we will be in a relationship. It's a relationship filled with desire and, im afraid, its just that. Anyhow, he just keeps me from being lonely on those days when I do and he never says "no." I love the way he makes my body feel. For now i am just exploring with him the best part about being a woman. hehehe!

If his hand is that good...then his p**** has a little competition.

I hope my mom doesnt read this....ever!

XOXO Yana