Confused as Hell

Well I haven't had the chance to write in here cause of the full-speed activity I've been doing. It's not that I'm an important person or anything but it just helps to keep my mind off things, if you know what I mean.

So this weekend has been pretty busy and maybe even eventful. Friday, of course, I had work. The evenning came and it suddenly became interesting, to say the least. Someone, whom I never expected to text again, did. After a week, Gian checked up on me casually. Like we just talked last night or something. Yeah, it did bring a smile to my face and I wanted to jump up and down like it was New Year's Eve which, of course, I didn't. But after I got over my excitement I calmed down and brought my guard up. Not like I was over-thinking or analyzing the situation cause, believe me, I've learned my lesson. It was more like curiousity but still going with the flow. Bottom line, he was sweet as always and very charming (on fucking text!)

p.s. I don't like texting. How does one get to know a person on such short and blah responses? How can I even sound cute on text?

It was the same as always. Don't know what he wants. I even gave him openings where, if he does want to, he can ask me out. But NADA! Now I know that maybe he was really bored. So from now on, I will just go about my business and who knows, maybe he'll text again. If that ever happens, I'll know what to do.

So Saturday, I had to work again till 4pm. Then I picked up my friend Hetal and with my sister, we had lunch at a korean fast food with my mom and brother. Then we bowled our asses off. Got lots of strike in the first 10 turns. I was feeling good. The the second round came and we were just wearing down a bit. I guess we gave it our all of the first round. Nevertheless, it was fun just hanging with the girls and my brother. By 8pm we went back home and changed outfits to go smoke hookah. Once again, we were back to Dream where all sorts of memories happened. Reminiscing is fun...especially when their hot waiter, Richard, is still working there. BTW, he still remembers me. hehehe!!! He got hotter! Did I mention he got hotter?!?!? the night went by and after the boy-talks and bonding and card game, we were spent and just had the get some much-needed sleep.

Sunday came and we went to church. This time we went to a different church since my mom wanted to go to this other church where her college-friend turned priest presided. We had lunch with him and he was actually cool. He's more like a counselor than a priest. It was good to get a well-balanced guidance for a change. So we talked over cook-it-yourself korean BBQ with tons of kimchi (I will regret this eventually in the anus area)

We'll see where my life leads me...Thanks for reading.

XOXO Yana

Can I Just Say This

I have never felt single in my life.



Good news first: Finally my mom and I are on the same ground. She and I talked about her always interfering and not wanting to listen. We came to a middle ground and agreed to certain terms. Good.



So here it goes...He is just not that into me. It never was said if he does or does not like me but i saw that he did. I guess I assume too much. It was just a big blow because it was non stop interaction like texting, talking, going out then all of a sudden...BAM! No word from him whatsoever. Sometimes I do take the initiative to talk to him first but when it starts happening a lot, I feel like the guy wooing him! I'm sorry but I have more dignity and pride than that. I know in these modern times the girls are allowed, allowed being the operative word, to be agressive. I guess i did that. But there is a little old-fashioned left in me that I just can't do it anymore. If a guy wants to date you, he will do whatever he can do date you. But he didn't and that can only mean one thing: (let me hear you say it) HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I'm a big girl. I can admit, without shame but with some hurt, when I was just dissed by a guy. A douche, I can call him a douche now right? Yeah, that's what he is. I am not about to say "I'm not bitter" because I am. Let's admit it. Girls or ladies or women are very bitter and ruthless creatures when getting dissed by a guy. Don't deny it. Yeah, it hurts. But I, for one, am not about to let myself wallow in self pity.



I do still think about him from time to time and bitch about or talk about the things that happened but little by little I am moving on. It's not like we were ever an item anyway. There was no final say on anything. That's the biggest thing that bugs me. I mean, I can take it if he says, "I'm not interested" or "Let's just be friends" but when I hear nothing from him, that's what sucks! No period whatsoever. I just need to know so I can help myself mentally move on. Because no matter what happens there is a little part in every girl, if there was no closure, that says to her, "Maybe he'll still call" or "Maybe he'll change his mind." This is what's driving me crazy to I can feel free to bitch out about him as much as I want until I get a closure. Yeah?!!?



But on a positive note, I felt arrogantly proud for putting myself out there. I'm normally the type of person who would crawl under my shell or not even take notice that I'm single. I've always been happy as a single woman. It's just that sometimes you feel alone because all of a sudden, everybody around you is with someone and you're all by yourself. It sucks having to watch people be corny or cheesy while you're keeping yourself busy. It's fuckin frustrating. I have all this love in me waiting to burst out! Not that I don't love my family, I do. It's just the different kind of love. Also, it's not like I want to fall in love right away. I just want to start on that path already. You know, the heartbreaks, the butterflies...everything!



Can I be a single-girls activist? For realz...



With that I leave you a movie line after one of the most adorable characters I've seen in movies.



GIGI: " I would rather be like that, then be like you. I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."

XOXO Yana

Week of BS

It's Saturday already. That means the week of bullshit and drama is almost over. Then again, that means the weekend is here. God I hate weekends. Especially since my two best bitches in the world left. I used to love weekends you know. I used to go places and shit. I used to have fun. 

Summer+Weekends= Bad Combination. 

There seems like nothing to do during the summer. I hate this kind of weather. It feels like it's literally burning your skin off. No wonder people don't really age gracefully. Their skin looks dry and too tan. it's just awful. Ironically, summer is supposed to be fun. But I guess it isn't for the four of us. It's just another season we're trying to get through. 

Another thing on my mind? Gian. I keep thinking about him. Not in an obssessive kind of way, honestly. It's more like, is he gonna or is he not? He is seriously driving me crazy. One minute he's texting me and the next he's saying he's with some friends. WTF??? For years, I have prided myself for always being the calm girl between my friends. They have all these relationship problems and the sort while I'm the one to lend the shoulder or the ear. But here I am, not even in a relationship, and look what a fool I've made myself. I was pretty sure everything was clear between him and I, even without any labels, or so I thought. 

You see I'm the type of person who would just give my all for someone. I can't help it. It's my nature. I don't like to jump into something thinking that it will later end. I want to think, being the operative word, that it will last. I mean, don't you think it's pretty stupid to go into a relationship immediately thinking that it will end one day? Then why the hell do you even bother wasting your time into getting into a relationship in the first place? I may sound corny but that's just how the way I am. I am an impatient person and I just have to know already. I mean, it's been 3 months for crying out loud. This is just going at such a slow pace. Too slow, even for me. 

I am a gemini and it's in my nature to lose interest a bit too fast. I don't want this to happen to a guy like Gian. Ironically, he is a gemini himself. We are very indecisive. We change our minds a lot. Sometimes we go back to our original assumptions or likes. In my opinion, we are very complex creatures. I don't know if it goes against us but that is just who we are. I'm not saying I believe in fortune-tellers or those horoscope readings or anything like that. I believe in the Zodiac and the way they read a person through their Zodiac. If you think about it, they description is spot on. It's funny how I read about my own faults and yet i agree with it. I believe in those personality things. I guess I have had a lot of experience whereas it definitely read me like a book. 

So back to Gian...I just don't know what to do anymore. I felt like I've waited long enough for him to make the next move. I've made a lot of moves. Most of them, given, have been reciprocated, but come on! I think I have put myself out there. I will seriously stop waiting. I will continue on and hopefully, he'll catch up. 

XOXO Yana