Can I Just Say This

I have never felt single in my life.



Good news first: Finally my mom and I are on the same ground. She and I talked about her always interfering and not wanting to listen. We came to a middle ground and agreed to certain terms. Good.



So here it goes...He is just not that into me. It never was said if he does or does not like me but i saw that he did. I guess I assume too much. It was just a big blow because it was non stop interaction like texting, talking, going out then all of a sudden...BAM! No word from him whatsoever. Sometimes I do take the initiative to talk to him first but when it starts happening a lot, I feel like the guy wooing him! I'm sorry but I have more dignity and pride than that. I know in these modern times the girls are allowed, allowed being the operative word, to be agressive. I guess i did that. But there is a little old-fashioned left in me that I just can't do it anymore. If a guy wants to date you, he will do whatever he can do date you. But he didn't and that can only mean one thing: (let me hear you say it) HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I'm a big girl. I can admit, without shame but with some hurt, when I was just dissed by a guy. A douche, I can call him a douche now right? Yeah, that's what he is. I am not about to say "I'm not bitter" because I am. Let's admit it. Girls or ladies or women are very bitter and ruthless creatures when getting dissed by a guy. Don't deny it. Yeah, it hurts. But I, for one, am not about to let myself wallow in self pity.



I do still think about him from time to time and bitch about or talk about the things that happened but little by little I am moving on. It's not like we were ever an item anyway. There was no final say on anything. That's the biggest thing that bugs me. I mean, I can take it if he says, "I'm not interested" or "Let's just be friends" but when I hear nothing from him, that's what sucks! No period whatsoever. I just need to know so I can help myself mentally move on. Because no matter what happens there is a little part in every girl, if there was no closure, that says to her, "Maybe he'll still call" or "Maybe he'll change his mind." This is what's driving me crazy to I can feel free to bitch out about him as much as I want until I get a closure. Yeah?!!?



But on a positive note, I felt arrogantly proud for putting myself out there. I'm normally the type of person who would crawl under my shell or not even take notice that I'm single. I've always been happy as a single woman. It's just that sometimes you feel alone because all of a sudden, everybody around you is with someone and you're all by yourself. It sucks having to watch people be corny or cheesy while you're keeping yourself busy. It's fuckin frustrating. I have all this love in me waiting to burst out! Not that I don't love my family, I do. It's just the different kind of love. Also, it's not like I want to fall in love right away. I just want to start on that path already. You know, the heartbreaks, the butterflies...everything!



Can I be a single-girls activist? For realz...



With that I leave you a movie line after one of the most adorable characters I've seen in movies.



GIGI: " I would rather be like that, then be like you. I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."

XOXO Yana