Waking up in the morning lately has been very dull. Nothing comes to mind. Nothing to be looking forward to. The weather hasn't helped either. If this is fall then i must be back in the Philippines. Because there is no way that this is the start of fall. On second thought i should not be talking about things that irritate me because i have decided to think and feel positive. Why you ask? Let me tell you why...
A month ago, I would think that going to visit a palm reader is an absurd way to spend your money. Eventually I gave in. But it wasn't at all a bullshit-filled experience as i thought it would be. She raised quite a few serious questions about my life and especially my love-life. Before you even ask me, Yes, I have virtually been single all my life and it is not by choice. It is just not my priorities. So back to her...she informed me that i am a karma. WTF?!?! Yes. I am a karma to my sister's lack of control of her own love life. All the while that she's been hooking up with girls and boys, I have been suffering the consequences of her very bad decisions. I know it sounds absurd but it was tempting to think otherwise. And I did.
After that day, the memory of me being her karma slipped my head until yesterday when a friend of mine (let me just name him Ko) reminded me. He pointed out that with me being my sister's karma, i was spreading the bad karma towards him and my other friend (let's just call him Oat). It was like a cycle circling around the three of us, single people. As much as I would like to ignore it, I just can't. I guess it's better for me to believe in something rather than blame it on myself. So I'm taking the karma route.
So Ko and I decided to change our bad karma. It's not a drastic change but it just includes a lot of sunshine and positivity we must bring upon ourselves. In other words, we must spread love to the world and maybe in turn, the world can send us love back or atleast, that's what I'm trying to do. We spent the day avoiding cussing and negative thoughts. We also waved to cars passing by. Some did wave back and some just thought we were crazy. The whole day felt to me like a big ass joke. I felt so fake and insincere but i guess I'm not just used to it. It is really hard to act like someone I'm not. I guess that's the problem. I've been so negative so much that I actually think that I am that cynical bitch.
To be honest, I love being that cynical bitch. I feel impowered.
So...I am just lost. I stopped writing for a second and every time that I do, I lose my thoughts.
Olive Garden was good though. i spent like $30 today and after today, expect me to eat at home and not spend money for the whole week.
I wonder if Karma-conversation is good for me. But i'll let you know...
XOXO yana
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