Love Letters

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A friend of mine got himself in this dilemma. He promised a girl to write her a love letter! Not the email kind or the text message but an honest-to-God-hard-copy-send-it-in-the-mail kind. After promising, he started to think about what to write and soon enough, he could not think of anything to write. He tried a lot of kinds but they all ended up either stupid or cheesy. So we just came to the conclusion that a love letter is suppose to be, to some extent, cheesy. Hence, the name "love letter." We also asked me 13 year-old brother's help for he has shown us some deep and promising poetry of his own. Here are some few ideas and excerpts we came up with:

I love you.

You complete me.

Please write me back.

You are like cigarettes.

I can't live without you.

A carton is never enough.

_from Smokaholic

You're the chip in my hardware

_from Computer Geek

When I saw you it felt like a bullet in my heart, cocking.

You blew my mind like a grenade in a battlefield.

_from Military Guy

I blew up those damn towers for you!

_from terrorist

You made me smile like weed from my backyard.

_from Pothead

I like you but I like boys better.

_from Gay man

I love you!

If you don't love me back, I'm going to kill myself.

_from Emo Kid

There you have it. The humorous attempt to romance. It's funny how we all just ended up making fun of it. The thing is that the idea of romance nowadays is so vague and unrecognizable that we just don't care. No one knows what the word means anymore. To most people romance is just cheesy or full of bullshit. Maybe that's the problem. We all became cynical that the idea of someone being romantic towards us is so unbelievable. What if a person really means it? Can we all stop figuring out if one means it and just surrender to the idea of romance again? Is it too late to bring back romance? I hope not. I am still looking for corny in my life and I am not about to give up that ideal for some douche bag who is my last resort.

Speaking of love letters...I have never gotten one. I wish I had though. I wish I will receive one before i die. If a guy writes me a love letter I would want him to have a little bit of humor but mix it with sensuality. I think humor and sexuality is the perfect combination. It turns me on and I won't throw up. You see, contradicting myself here a little bit, I hate cheesy stuff. I would die if I ever date a guy who is very cheesy. I'm a realist and yes, very cynical. I'm starting to sound picky here...I can't help it. How about something like:

"I love you."

That'll do... simple and straight to the point. Or...

"I would whisper romance against the contours of your body. I will follow the map on your body all night long only to search for your precious heart."

Am I myself becoming cheesy? I don't know. I think I've read more cheesy shit than this one. Why am I writing myself a love letter??? Now I feel like a guy... great! Can someone just effing write me a love letter???

XOXO yana

The Zodiac

Do you believe in horoscopes and things like that? Well I do. Not because they are true but they have been true for me. Ever since reading about my zodiac and daily horoscopes, I have come to the conclusion that they make sense when it comes to my life. They may not always happen but they pertain to my life. Perfectly! But anyway, here is my horoscope for today:

"Things are slowing down a lot in your life, and your 'To Do' list is starting to dwindle down to nothing. This is good news -- before the end of the day you are finally going to get that break you've been yearning for! This might be the perfect time to investigate that new hobby, research a new vacation spot, or look further into a new investment opportunity. This isn't the right day to move forward on anything, but it's a wonderful time to get your feet wet."

Curious...Very Curious...

XOXO yana

Spotted: Chuck and Blair Single?

Let's talk about singlehood. A friend of mine, let's call him Chuck, just called and just opened up to me about his depressing state. He has been single all his life, so have I, and we just understand how the other person feels. So in the midst of all the depression he is experiencing he admitted that he is jealous of all his roommates. They all have a significant other and obviously he hasn't. I too am on the same boat. Chuck and I decided to out ourselves on our jealousy towards the whole world which seemed lately that is full of couples right and left. This adds on to our misery...Take me for instance, I am almost positive that every event or gathering I go to, everybody has somebody. I thought to myself that it sounds selfish of me to be jealous of others' happiness just because i don't have my own. Well, i have been like that for almost the rest of my 19 years in this life and I just want to be selfish. I am irritated looking at lovey-dovey couples. I just want to throw a chair at them. God this sucks.

Is being single a fault? A curse? A normalcy?

Did Chuck and I brought this upon ourselves or did fate just created us to be miserably single and surrounded with couples?

I have always dreamt of a guy. Not like any of those knight in shining armor bullshit or prince charming to save a damsel in distress...nada! I just wanted a guy who is man enough and who is patient enough to handle all of me. Out of those constant changes around me, the hardest one to me is the part where I have to change who I am. I am a very irritable person. I have little patience. I tend to think I am always right. I don't usually admit that my opinion's wrong. I have my own world and I rarely let people in. I have my own likes and weird as it may be, I like it.

I doubt there is a guy out there who can handle all of me. I am hard to understand and get along with. Ask my family. Ask my friends. That is why I wonder why I still have them...I guess they see something likeable in me. The one thing I am willing to admit is that I do have the most sarcastic, raw and laugh-out-loud humor. There is not a dull bone in me. Well, that is when I am not a sloth. But seriously, I am really funny. See? I can't even stop saying it. I guess being single brought this upon me. I guess it's not that bad afterall. I should start a relationship with myself while waiting for a guy. Till then...

XOXO yana

Out of Prison

Today was not like any other. I mean, when is it ever the same?

Waking up in the morning lately has been very dull. Nothing comes to mind. Nothing to be looking forward to. The weather hasn't helped either. If this is fall then i must be back in the Philippines. Because there is no way that this is the start of fall. On second thought i should not be talking about things that irritate me because i have decided to think and feel positive. Why you ask? Let me tell you why...

A month ago, I would think that going to visit a palm reader is an absurd way to spend your money. Eventually I gave in. But it wasn't at all a bullshit-filled experience as i thought it would be. She raised quite a few serious questions about my life and especially my love-life. Before you even ask me, Yes, I have virtually been single all my life and it is not by choice. It is just not my priorities. So back to her...she informed me that i am a karma. WTF?!?! Yes. I am a karma to my sister's lack of control of her own love life. All the while that she's been hooking up with girls and boys, I have been suffering the consequences of her very bad decisions. I know it sounds absurd but it was tempting to think otherwise. And I did.

After that day, the memory of me being her karma slipped my head until yesterday when a friend of mine (let me just name him Ko) reminded me. He pointed out that with me being my sister's karma, i was spreading the bad karma towards him and my other friend (let's just call him Oat). It was like a cycle circling around the three of us, single people. As much as I would like to ignore it, I just can't. I guess it's better for me to believe in something rather than blame it on myself. So I'm taking the karma route.

So Ko and I decided to change our bad karma. It's not a drastic change but it just includes a lot of sunshine and positivity we must bring upon ourselves. In other words, we must spread love to the world and maybe in turn, the world can send us love back or atleast, that's what I'm trying to do. We spent the day avoiding cussing and negative thoughts. We also waved to cars passing by. Some did wave back and some just thought we were crazy. The whole day felt to me like a big ass joke. I felt so fake and insincere but i guess I'm not just used to it. It is really hard to act like someone I'm not. I guess that's the problem. I've been so negative so much that I actually think that I am that cynical bitch.

To be honest, I love being that cynical bitch. I feel impowered.

So...I am just lost. I stopped writing for a second and every time that I do, I lose my thoughts.

Olive Garden was good though. i spent like $30 today and after today, expect me to eat at home and not spend money for the whole week.

I wonder if Karma-conversation is good for me. But i'll let you know...

XOXO yana