We do this kind of thing every beginning of the long-dreaded summer. Jace and I always drive the two of them to the airport. We line up with them to the baggage claim and then to the x-ray. We spot hot and sexy guys. If we would do them we would answer "da" and "nyet" if not. Saying it in Russian is less conspicuous. Then we would take pictures 30 minutes before they go to the departure area. But this year seems a little more lonely and unwanted. Feels like we were all going on different paths this time around. For the past 3 summers, we would all just say goodbyes and they would come back, we pick them up and we would have fun once again.
This time really feels different.
It feels more lonely.
I had a HARDER time saying goodbye.
You should have seen me in the airport. I was unstable and I just couldn't stand it. I wanted to leave as fast as I can. You know that feeling when you have a heavy feeling inside of you or like butterflies? Well, I had that but it was the bad kind. I truly miss them already and it's only been ten hours. My sister, my brother and I got home around 12am and now I'm awake 10 hours later.
Mornings, I think, will be the hardest. Usually, when I wake up, I will see the mattress on top of the double-deck squeezed lower towards me. I would usually be nervous about it because I feel like it would collapse on me any minute. This is because Oat will be sleeping on top. When I woke up....Nothing...Absolutely nothing. No movement for several minutes which is unlikely of Oat. Then I turned to my right and it was also empty. The floor-space that I usually have the biggest problem with because it's always occupied with Ko's pull-out bed under Jace's bed. I would always complain because I feel like I can't even see the floor anymore. This time, there was no pull-out bed because everything is tucked to where it's supposed to be.
No Oat and no Ko. Everything was quiet. I would normally prefer this but I don't at this moment. It sucks because today is a Wednesday. My usual day-off, if I'm lucky. I go out with them and my sister. Now I have absolutely nothing to do and I am free the whole day.
Very peculiar. Very sad.
Like I was saying, this summer is especially different because I feel that we all are actually growing up and apart. In a couple of weeks...
Jace is taking her board exams.
Ko is taking an internship at this mental hospital in his country.
Oat is dealing with his family issues.
And I met a guy.
I actually have a gam plan this summer. I listed all the things that needed to be done in the house and the things that needed to be bought. Books I have to read and music I want to download. People I should catch up on. I seriously just want to keep every minute of my summer super busy to make time go faster. I get to hang out with my mom too.
Wish me luck.
and see You guys soon.
XOXO Yana
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