Paranormal Activity

Last night was a very spooky night for me.

You see, I have been wanting to watch Paranormal Activity for such a long time now.

So I did last night.

Let me tell you...I was expecting something really scary and spooky. Well, it kinda was when you think of it. There was definitely some scary moments where I had goosebumps and tingles in my spine especially when the scene was in the bedroom. The rest of it was very dragging, informative but dragging. I guess they had to do that in order for the viewers to understand what was going on.

I got a huge headache after watching it coz of all the motion from the so-called amateur-home-video camera.

What really got me spooked was that the bedroom elements in the movie is very similar to my room. So I got really paranoid after i got out of the cinema. I mean, it makes you wonder and think that it might actually happen. This movie definitely spooked me out than the Blair Witch Project.

I had a hard time sleeping last night that I asked my mom if I could sleep beside her. Yeah, embarassing but its the truth. It got me fucking paranoid! The "demon" which was the antagonist in the movie scared the hell out of me and I didn't even see what it was.

I guess it's the fear of the unknown that got to me. If I wasn't so distracted with my huge headache in the movie theaters, I think would be more scared than how I was last night.

But you know what, I got through it and I'd say, it was actually a very smart and chilling movie.

Funny

XOXO Yana

I Am That Girl

I hate checking up stuff online!

I stupidly went back to a past that I have long forgotten.

I really am masochistic huh?

The one guy that I used to really want to be with. The angel that broke my heart and ran away. I should have moved on but seeing him again, it just hurts.

Maybe I am that girl who will never get over a guy. Who would live her life pretending everything is okay but suddenly breaks down when "HE" shows up. Why do I have to act like a stalker? Let's not deny it. All of us has that one person that we can't help but stalk and that we wish that he's the one right next to us.

Exaggeration is my forte but this time, I really mean it when I say...he is the perfect guy for me. The one that I would whole-heartedly give myself to. He is my unreachable person. We all have that don't we? I guess I will never be over him.

I just hope that one day, we can start hanging out again. You know, catch up. I miss him so. He is supposed to be my Chuck. The one that keeps refusing but gives in in the end. But I don't know for how long.

XOXO Yana

The Future

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to not know what I want to do with my life or where my life is heading. But I think I have an idea of what I would want to do, given the chance.

Before I always say that I want a business of my own. Like a bar or a club where people come with no inhibitions. I would soon profit from connections in that circuit. I still would like to do this but I guess not yet.

I was thinking more of being a personal assistant to a celebrity or anyone that is connected to the movie industry. It's a screwed-up, messy and frustrating job but I like the challenge and the drama of it. If not, I would like to have a job at PR. You know, where you have to convince people of a "product" you're selling or taking care of someone's image or maybe ruin one. Just kidding. But yeah, I would love to be involved in that kind of world. Like I said before, I am not interested in being in the spotlight. I like a more in-the-background kind of work where I make someone fabulous! I just want to get a whole lot of connections out of it.

XOXO Yana

Back to My Old Self

So I am obssessed with looking up trailers and seeing what's about to be shown in theaters before it actually hit it. I get excited and all!



I am not a big Jake Gyllenhall fan. (Did I even spell his last name right?)

But there's just something about his odd english accent that makes me want to see the movie. I'm big on accents. In my opinion, it fits well with his whole get up. I am sure people will pounce on him for his new looks but it works just fine for me. \

Am I seriously falling for Jake?!?!? Weird now...

I prefer this old-setting blockbuster movies than the sci fi ones. Although I am a firm advocate for the indie movies, I do love an occasional exciting-out-of-your-seat movie.

We'll see what becomes of this.

XOXO Yana

Mondays

Mondays always get to me.

I just wish that there was a way I could sleep through it and not experience it.

I don't want to whine in here coz I'm even too tired to do that.

Instead, at the end of the day...I calmed myself and immersed into TV. My favorite time of the day.

XOXO Yana

I Just Woke up From Ko's Annoying Alarm.

It sounded like a factory has just experienced a toxic waste spill or something. I was referring to the alarm clock by the way.

There is still that annoying ringing in my ear and it still feels stuffed with air. I don't know if its a good thing since we're going to church this morning. Ironic huh? I guess i wouldn't really be hearing father Ted this morning.

The music last night was disappointing. On previous nights, it would've been full of electro pop songs. The danceable ones. What happened to Britney? Christina? Lady effing Gaga? It was full of techno remixes that really aren't danceable. And all I got out of it is this stinking ringing in my ear...

The most annoying thing is...



Coz I'm not 21 yet! In my opinion, being 20 kinda sucks. It's like being too close yet feels so far. 7 months to go bitches and I wil...




XOXO Yana

It's All the Rage

Just got back from Santa Monica boulevard like half an hour ago.

My feet's fine, thanks to my mom's faux-heel knee-high boots
So it was a crazy night and I only got a couple of pictures out of it. I'll just post one where you can see my costume.

So, my usual partner in crime, Ko, drove us to Santa Monica Boulevard where there is gonna be a parade of halloween costumes. They closed down all entrances and exits in the boulevard for people to walk around in costumes. It was like a big street party. There were colorful and huge (literally) costumes.

The ones that stuck to my head were

1. Balloon boy costume: If you heard from recent news that a balloon carrying a boy accidentally flew away and in the end, the boy survived unscathed. It turns out that the dad did it for publicity for their reality show.

2. Xerxes: Yeah the 300 Spartans were all the craze but why the hell did we forget the biggest fag of that era? It turns out that it was the perfect costume for a drag queen of this era.

3. Iron Angel: This guy had wings of steel and they actually seemed very dangerous when he pops them out.

4. Sookie Stackhouse: Another reference to everything connected to vampires. It may be a simple southern waitress costume but I love it!

5. Penguins: There were actually 5 of them in a line walking around. Hilarious!

I wish I can remember more but i guess it didn't stick.

So after walking the whole boulevard, we were hyped up to dance! There were a bunch of unavoidable perverts but that's what Ko is for: My protection. Thanks! It was a night of ego-boosting for me cause a sexy cop girl hit on me. She grabbed me and danced with me. Lesbo action! There were some straight guys at Rage. I guess they were looking to score on some gay guy's fag hags. One of them happened to be me. Well atleast Ko was gay for that night. A guy with a carton costume snuck up behind me. I said, "No" and a head shake and we just gave each other a high-five. Loves it!

I'll post the pictures as soon as I can. That means when I'm not feeling lazy to do all that transfer-file-download thing.

XOXO Yana

Day Before Halloween

I decided to really dress up this halloween. I mean like actually be something and just have fun. I decided on a costume in 5 mins and bought the stuff I need in 10. I had very limited options but I do get really creative in order for things to go my way. I also didn't want to spend too much on a costume from a store that is really cheap and cannot be worn again. I am a thrifty person and I take it seriously.

For example: my brother. He wanted to be "The Spirit" for his halloween school dance. So I began scavenging for items. Here are the stuff that I got and what they cost me:
1. Red tie- got it from Ko:FREE
2. Black pants- He has one in his closet:FREE
3. Black buttoned shirt-Borrowed it from Oat:FREE
4. Black detective cape- got it from Ko: FREE
5. Fedora hat- this one I had to get it from a store but: $12, pretty good deal!
6. Mask- also from a store: $2

So the grand total is: $14 plus tax

Ko's costume: Mad Hatter
1. White inside shirt- gift from his momma: FREE
2. Striped jacket- had it for a while: counts as FREE
3. Crazy bow tie- gift from daddy: FREE
4. Top Hat- bought it from store: $15
5. Flowers + Ribbon- $16

So the grand total is: $31 plus tax

Not too shabby yeah?

So for mine...I don't want to spill it even though I'm too excited!

Here is just a preview of it...



XOXO Disco Beetch (hint hint)

Little Miss Obssessive

Okay, I have to admit that Ashlee Simpson does not even belong in my radar of good singers. But what the F! Her songs and lyrics are just great. If only she did not sing her songs...




Perfect song, I think, when i fall for someone...hard! Yes, like I have said repeatedly before, I have this nature to be obssessive. Crazy! I am not kidding... maybe that's why the world has not made me fall inlove coz of this sole reason. I am dangerous when inlove. sighs...

XOXO Yana

Do You Wanna Be On Top?

So last night was relaxing. I had a sort of odd day at work and the TV and the couch is just what I needed... Well, along with the loads of laundry I have to finish folding. You know, doing laundry is my most hated chore to do. It seems like it takes forever! First you separate the clothes into colors, towels, denim etc. Then you put it in the washing machine. It takes a while and you have to wait. Then you transfer it to the dryer while you put in the next load if you do have one. Then once everything is dry, you fold them. Last is putting them each in their place. I would rather wash dishes all day or sweep the floor or something.

Anyway, so I was watching one of my guiltiest pleasure America's Next Top Model. Yeah, I feel embarassed to admit that I watch skinny girls make a fool out of themselves. But my favorite part, the one I fast-forward to since I tivo it are the finished product. The final pictures! Yeah, sometimes they look crazy or out of their minds but those that actually look good? It just gives me inspiration. Now I sound tacky. But seriously... It was a perfect end to my night... along with a handful of Bliss white chocolates!

Now im not an insomniac but I do sleep at 12 most nights. I just cannot put my system to sleep before that time. It's weird. I just watch whatever I recorded and it will go on and on. I need to be more productive at night. I just dont know what else to do. I should start making a list or something. sighs...

XOXO Yana

Ah...Fall is here

As I stepped out this morning, on the way to warm up my car, I just knew... fall has finally arrived. Its the months before actual winter are the ones I adore. The cool air without losing the bright rays of sunshine. It is simply divine! I love talking about the weather coz it somehow affects my mood too. Summer is when I am usually cranky and uninspired whereas fall is full of beautiful imagery that makes me want to start painting on a canvas. Although I can never really paint nor draw... you get the picture. What can I say, the climate really does wonders for me. It even reminds me of movies that I've watched.

That's my life, full of movies. I do believe that I live in a movie. If my life was a movie it would probably not be in the blockbusters section nor would it be in the science fiction. I'm assuming it would automatically be in the dark comedy/indie films. My life is simple and surprisingly humorous even with the downfalls of my life. It has nothing very big or unbelievable but it is full of real-life problems and solutions, beginnings and endings... Now I wonder who can play me? I will just go out on a limb and say, ZOOEY DESCHANEL! I know it's impossible and we don't look anything alike: she's gorgeous and I'm.... me. But i love her quirkiness and her laid-back-I-sound-drunk-and-breathless voice.

Going back to the weather... I need to get me some sweaters preferably the ones with colors. I dont like to look dead or a dried twig in this season. Also, I just washed my gray sweater and it fucking shrinked! or shrunk??? whatevs... It's my favorite one too. It's one of those pieces of clothing where I can wear with anything or anytime. This sucks... I usually stick to sweaters since it's hard to find an everyday jacket. I hope I don't sound like a dumb shopaholic person, coz i really am not, but i got a bargain on purple tights! They were so cheap like $7. So i got a patterned black one and a purple one. I am really planning on wearing dresses even with this chilly weather cause i have tons! Its just that I impulsively buy dresses that look good on me and then I choose denim pants and a shirt. So I better not let those go to waste this time and the tights will help big time.

Maybe this year I will go all out and be pretty, coz i really am. (har har) You know... I guess if I want a decent guy, I can't just wait and sit around right? I should showcase ME! Just not too desperate looking but appropriate and open.

sighs... Fall is definitely here.

XOXO Yana

My mom left for Colorado this morning. I may sound like a baby but I feel vulnerable when my mom is not around. Yeah, I do feel the freedom and independence but I miss her when i come home and she's there with cooked food all the time or when she asks me, "How was work?" In spite of this, I am happy for her because of this retreat. This retreat is one of spiritual healing or growth; somewhere along those lines. I do hope that she has fun and not to worry about us too much.

What plans do Ko and I have for this weekend? Well, it definitely includes lots of alcohol, that's for sure. But not the kind of alcohol that we used to drink. If this was last year or a few months ago, we would have bought Jose Cuervo, Smirnoff Vodka, Dole juice, and maybe some Corona Light or New Castle. But we are a pair of re-invented drinkers who now enjoy a glass of red wine or some chardonnay. Okay, we don't exactly afford the chardonnay but Ko did bring back from Europe 4 bottles of chardonnay and our latest favorite drink, Sangria which can be bought at your nearest groceries for five bucks. So yes, we like to indulge ourselves in the sweet taste of heaven once at night. No clubbing for this pair because the only time we enjoy going out at night and dancing is when our third wheel is here, Oat! So wait untl Christmas break.

We can also add in some scrabble matches with that wine or some drunk-ass pictures. Although i doubt that we would get drunk with those wine. Trust me, it's a tried-and-tested thing of the past. But the fun never ceases and it's always a pleasure to be in the company of a remarkable person like Ko.

There's also that school Daniel will have at school. Maybe a little chaperoning perhaps? Doesnt matter. As long as we can get up in time for our weekly 10:45 masses. Yes, I have been going to mass for the past year and haven't missed any Sundays, I think. It feels rather empty when I don't and I feel very uneasy if I miss a Sunday mass. For this reason, I pride myself for trying because I am not the most holy nor am I the most faithful of all Christian Catholics out there. I do try my hardest though.

So we'll see this weekend.

XOXO Yana

Forks, Washington

I woke up today and it was extra chilly compared to the last couple of weeks. It dawned on me that it was surprisingly foggy at this time of year. I can't help but welcome the stupid notion that maybe i was dreaming and that i had woken up at Forks. That maybe "Edward Cullen" would climb my window...which is not even up the ground...and make me swoon. I welcome his bite on my neck and make him suck all the blood out of me and make me suffer for days, excruciating pain, and wait for me until i join him in his world of beauty and mystery.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a gothic person nor am I satanic. Let's all be honest...for every girl, its always a sensual thought for a vampire to lure you into his hypnotic eyes and, maybe, make love to you; the best you will ever have in this lifetime, then suck you dry or turn you into a vampire like him. That danger and mystery is always a turn on for girls, women even. So I am not about to become a hypocrite and deny this fact.

so my days have been long and a little filled. Oat has come back a month ago and spent a week here before flying back to Wisconsin. Ko followed a few weeks later. I have been doing errands with Ko and it has kept both of us busy. Considering that we are on the hunt for something interesting to do on the weekends. Some days we just end up in our backyard swing talking big dreams and aspirations. There were talks about lots of money, becoming a billionaire, music producer for his part while I prefer a more subtle take like after the success wears off, i would love to grow old owning a small, chic/bohemian cafe with the same customers and a house by the beach or maybe owning a vineyard somewhere.

Here's what we came up with on weekends. Of course, there is an involvement of booze and games. He introduced to me this awesome wine, Sangria. It's imported from Spain and it has a very fruity taste. I do love alcohol but, ironically, i hate the taste and that's why I do everything in my power to cover it up. So when I tried this wine, i fell inlove with it. It also didnt hurt that it was only $5 at Albertsons or any grocery store. Then we were hanging out at our garage and decided to turn it into a hang out place. It definitely has a lot of potential since it has a bed and a couch in there. Those two furnitures didnt quite fit in our house. There were empty alcohol bottles that my sister collects, lots of board games and stuff. So our project is to organize everything and cover up the stuff with some sheets to make it look cleaner and put some lights in there. I cant wait.

Did I mention that Gossip Girl premiered??!?! I believe that Blair can make it through NYU. She's a queen bitch and she doesnt own that title for nothing. I am so hating on Geor-gina! Anyway, so Ko and I are TV buffs and we are watching lots of shows.

1. Gossip Girl
2. Melrose Place (remake)
3. 90210 (remake)
4. Vampire Diaries
5. One Tree Hill
6. Project Runway
7. America's Next Top Model
8. Grey's Anatomy
9. So You Think You Can Dance
10. America's Best Dance Crew
11. Drop Dead Diva
12. The Beautiful Life
13. Dancing With The Stars
14. The Hills
15. The City

Yes...we're hooked.

Other than that, I have not been up to anything interesting. Just living life one day at a time.

XOXO Yana

I have been seeing Gian for the past couple of weeks. No we are not together and we're not even dating. Let's just say we have "fun" together. I call him up or the other way around and we meet up when we're bored. I don't exactly feel very moral when i'm with him but I have to admit, I like what we do. That is exactly the reason why I dont tell my mom. Gian and I meet up whenever we have the chance.

Dont worry, im still a virgin. Let's just put it this way...there's four bases, similar to softball. Gian and I have gone to 3rd base. The longer i spend time with him the more I feel like we are not a good twosome if we will be in a relationship. It's a relationship filled with desire and, im afraid, its just that. Anyhow, he just keeps me from being lonely on those days when I do and he never says "no." I love the way he makes my body feel. For now i am just exploring with him the best part about being a woman. hehehe!

If his hand is that good...then his p**** has a little competition.

I hope my mom doesnt read this....ever!

XOXO Yana

Confused as Hell

Well I haven't had the chance to write in here cause of the full-speed activity I've been doing. It's not that I'm an important person or anything but it just helps to keep my mind off things, if you know what I mean.

So this weekend has been pretty busy and maybe even eventful. Friday, of course, I had work. The evenning came and it suddenly became interesting, to say the least. Someone, whom I never expected to text again, did. After a week, Gian checked up on me casually. Like we just talked last night or something. Yeah, it did bring a smile to my face and I wanted to jump up and down like it was New Year's Eve which, of course, I didn't. But after I got over my excitement I calmed down and brought my guard up. Not like I was over-thinking or analyzing the situation cause, believe me, I've learned my lesson. It was more like curiousity but still going with the flow. Bottom line, he was sweet as always and very charming (on fucking text!)

p.s. I don't like texting. How does one get to know a person on such short and blah responses? How can I even sound cute on text?

It was the same as always. Don't know what he wants. I even gave him openings where, if he does want to, he can ask me out. But NADA! Now I know that maybe he was really bored. So from now on, I will just go about my business and who knows, maybe he'll text again. If that ever happens, I'll know what to do.

So Saturday, I had to work again till 4pm. Then I picked up my friend Hetal and with my sister, we had lunch at a korean fast food with my mom and brother. Then we bowled our asses off. Got lots of strike in the first 10 turns. I was feeling good. The the second round came and we were just wearing down a bit. I guess we gave it our all of the first round. Nevertheless, it was fun just hanging with the girls and my brother. By 8pm we went back home and changed outfits to go smoke hookah. Once again, we were back to Dream where all sorts of memories happened. Reminiscing is fun...especially when their hot waiter, Richard, is still working there. BTW, he still remembers me. hehehe!!! He got hotter! Did I mention he got hotter?!?!? the night went by and after the boy-talks and bonding and card game, we were spent and just had the get some much-needed sleep.

Sunday came and we went to church. This time we went to a different church since my mom wanted to go to this other church where her college-friend turned priest presided. We had lunch with him and he was actually cool. He's more like a counselor than a priest. It was good to get a well-balanced guidance for a change. So we talked over cook-it-yourself korean BBQ with tons of kimchi (I will regret this eventually in the anus area)

We'll see where my life leads me...Thanks for reading.

XOXO Yana

Can I Just Say This

I have never felt single in my life.



Good news first: Finally my mom and I are on the same ground. She and I talked about her always interfering and not wanting to listen. We came to a middle ground and agreed to certain terms. Good.



So here it goes...He is just not that into me. It never was said if he does or does not like me but i saw that he did. I guess I assume too much. It was just a big blow because it was non stop interaction like texting, talking, going out then all of a sudden...BAM! No word from him whatsoever. Sometimes I do take the initiative to talk to him first but when it starts happening a lot, I feel like the guy wooing him! I'm sorry but I have more dignity and pride than that. I know in these modern times the girls are allowed, allowed being the operative word, to be agressive. I guess i did that. But there is a little old-fashioned left in me that I just can't do it anymore. If a guy wants to date you, he will do whatever he can do date you. But he didn't and that can only mean one thing: (let me hear you say it) HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I'm a big girl. I can admit, without shame but with some hurt, when I was just dissed by a guy. A douche, I can call him a douche now right? Yeah, that's what he is. I am not about to say "I'm not bitter" because I am. Let's admit it. Girls or ladies or women are very bitter and ruthless creatures when getting dissed by a guy. Don't deny it. Yeah, it hurts. But I, for one, am not about to let myself wallow in self pity.



I do still think about him from time to time and bitch about or talk about the things that happened but little by little I am moving on. It's not like we were ever an item anyway. There was no final say on anything. That's the biggest thing that bugs me. I mean, I can take it if he says, "I'm not interested" or "Let's just be friends" but when I hear nothing from him, that's what sucks! No period whatsoever. I just need to know so I can help myself mentally move on. Because no matter what happens there is a little part in every girl, if there was no closure, that says to her, "Maybe he'll still call" or "Maybe he'll change his mind." This is what's driving me crazy to I can feel free to bitch out about him as much as I want until I get a closure. Yeah?!!?



But on a positive note, I felt arrogantly proud for putting myself out there. I'm normally the type of person who would crawl under my shell or not even take notice that I'm single. I've always been happy as a single woman. It's just that sometimes you feel alone because all of a sudden, everybody around you is with someone and you're all by yourself. It sucks having to watch people be corny or cheesy while you're keeping yourself busy. It's fuckin frustrating. I have all this love in me waiting to burst out! Not that I don't love my family, I do. It's just the different kind of love. Also, it's not like I want to fall in love right away. I just want to start on that path already. You know, the heartbreaks, the butterflies...everything!



Can I be a single-girls activist? For realz...



With that I leave you a movie line after one of the most adorable characters I've seen in movies.



GIGI: " I would rather be like that, then be like you. I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."

XOXO Yana

Week of BS

It's Saturday already. That means the week of bullshit and drama is almost over. Then again, that means the weekend is here. God I hate weekends. Especially since my two best bitches in the world left. I used to love weekends you know. I used to go places and shit. I used to have fun. 

Summer+Weekends= Bad Combination. 

There seems like nothing to do during the summer. I hate this kind of weather. It feels like it's literally burning your skin off. No wonder people don't really age gracefully. Their skin looks dry and too tan. it's just awful. Ironically, summer is supposed to be fun. But I guess it isn't for the four of us. It's just another season we're trying to get through. 

Another thing on my mind? Gian. I keep thinking about him. Not in an obssessive kind of way, honestly. It's more like, is he gonna or is he not? He is seriously driving me crazy. One minute he's texting me and the next he's saying he's with some friends. WTF??? For years, I have prided myself for always being the calm girl between my friends. They have all these relationship problems and the sort while I'm the one to lend the shoulder or the ear. But here I am, not even in a relationship, and look what a fool I've made myself. I was pretty sure everything was clear between him and I, even without any labels, or so I thought. 

You see I'm the type of person who would just give my all for someone. I can't help it. It's my nature. I don't like to jump into something thinking that it will later end. I want to think, being the operative word, that it will last. I mean, don't you think it's pretty stupid to go into a relationship immediately thinking that it will end one day? Then why the hell do you even bother wasting your time into getting into a relationship in the first place? I may sound corny but that's just how the way I am. I am an impatient person and I just have to know already. I mean, it's been 3 months for crying out loud. This is just going at such a slow pace. Too slow, even for me. 

I am a gemini and it's in my nature to lose interest a bit too fast. I don't want this to happen to a guy like Gian. Ironically, he is a gemini himself. We are very indecisive. We change our minds a lot. Sometimes we go back to our original assumptions or likes. In my opinion, we are very complex creatures. I don't know if it goes against us but that is just who we are. I'm not saying I believe in fortune-tellers or those horoscope readings or anything like that. I believe in the Zodiac and the way they read a person through their Zodiac. If you think about it, they description is spot on. It's funny how I read about my own faults and yet i agree with it. I believe in those personality things. I guess I have had a lot of experience whereas it definitely read me like a book. 

So back to Gian...I just don't know what to do anymore. I felt like I've waited long enough for him to make the next move. I've made a lot of moves. Most of them, given, have been reciprocated, but come on! I think I have put myself out there. I will seriously stop waiting. I will continue on and hopefully, he'll catch up. 

XOXO Yana 

Last night my brother, Daniel, and I had a bonding night. My mom was out till late and my sister was in San Diego. So we ended up cooking some spam and longganisa. It was a very memorable night for me because I, once again, saw how truly mature my baby brother has grown. He speaks eloquently and with substance but, of course, with a little innocence. Nevertheless, he has proven to me, once again, ironically, that he is a mature boy. 

The talk we had consisted of love and life. It was truly something deep and beautiful that I cannot share any details because it is what Dan and I call "Our Little Big Secret." 

I love my brother truly...

XOXO Yana 

The Date

It happened one afternoon. 

I went home from work. I was about to go to the gym with Jace when i got a text. It goes something like this...

Gian: What are you up to? 

Yana: Nothing...

Gian: Can I see you? 

Yana: Sure...How? 

Gian: Can I pick you up? 

Yana: Of course, what time? 

Gian: 8?

Yana: Ok, see you then...

Gian: Yes!

and the rest was history...nah, just kidding. the date went well. 

he picked me up and I introduced him to my mom who was surprisingly civil. He did a "mano" to my mom. "Mano" is a sign of respect for elders in the Philippines. So it was good. We each said our goodbyes and left. As you might have seen in news, Michael Jackson died recently and so he said that we should go and see his house. I have to be honest, it was a very weird and creepy proposition and highly unconventional for an official date but I was up for anything. The drive up and down the mountains of Los Angeles from my house took two hours. The drive there was long but we were holding hands the entire time. Sometimes, he puts my hand to rub his head. Once in a while he kisses my hand. What a sweetie. Normally, I would die of corniness but I guess when it is actually happening to you, it feels amazing. We had two stopovers to ask for directions because we got lost. One was in a gas station and the other was in an art museum. Of course, he took advantage of the situation and we had a mini make-out session. I could not complain...

So we finally found MJ's house. It was packed with fans, paparazzi's and LAPD's. We just passed over and it felt like, by that time, we really didn't care anymore. Around 10:30 he whispered to me, "I hope I can get you somewhere private." So I felt so confident and high, let's just say that I felt like a slut. So I asked if there was anyone at his house. He said that his grandma and mom was there. So we just drove the way home. But after half an hour, maybe he thought about it, he said that maybe everybody was asleep already so we proceeded to his house. 

The time at his house was a little awkward. His brother was actually in the garage with his girlfriend. It sucks cause the garage was connected to his room. So no privacy there. Then we retreated to the living room where his mom surprisingly came out her room! It felt like he was forced to introduce me to her. It was an awkward 10 minutes until we decided to leave finally. So by 11pm we parked in front of my house and just had a make-out session there. It was nice. He is such a good kisser with soft lips. By 12 we went in the house cause he needed to pee. When we went inside the house, my sister was still awake and was just about to come inside from the backyard. As if it wasn't worse enough, my mom went out and asked how our date went. It wasn't that embarrassing but, for a moment there, I felt 13 again. But it didnt bother me much. I just laughed about it later on. So finally, we had a moment alone in the backyard swing. It was a good moment. 

By 1:30, as much as I wanted for him to stay, I had to retire because I have a job tomorrow. So we were saying our goodbyes and kissing goodbyes. He did this kiss-leave-come-back thing three times. It was a sweet gesture. So he left and he left me quite happy and satisfied. 

I don't think there is anything else to say here...

XOXO Yana 

its been a couple of days since ive written in here and it may just be a good sign. it seems like im getting busy all of a sudden. maybe not.

what have i been up to in recent days? well, my sister and i have been going to the gym a lot lately. i feel the burn especially in my thighs and i think i did this machine in the gym too much that when i stepped down from it, my legs were literally shaking. but i held my footing. now im experiencing the downfall of it. the aftermath where the soreness has reached the highest peak. it sucks but since im masochistic, i should enjoy it right? no fucking way! it is too painful. i feel like biting off my thighs!!!

the problem with me is that the exercise is easy enough to follow but its the food that kills me. i eat a ton. i only eat twice a day and when i do eat, im telling you, i eat. i love it!!! what can i say? this is my vice...atleats i dont smoke right? hehehe!!!

current LSS: Love Save The Empty by Erin McCarley. so cute. i also got it from one of my all-time fave movies, "He's Just Not That Into You." You see when i get so into a movie i immediately download songs from the soundtrack. i love the feeling when im listening to a song and then i reminisce about the scene from the movie. its so cute and romantic and i sound like a complete dork right now. im just being me...

lately, ive been exchanging messages to Ko and Oat online. we reply to each other literally every day. its quite interesting cause we have more to talk about in that message than we had when we were online chatting. i actually look forward to receiving a message from them. is that weird? i feel like im reading into their everyday diary. my friend, Ko, especially sounds different. he sounds like he was stripped off of his arrogant and vain sound that i found myself laughing, like really laughing, and enjoying myself while reading his excerpt. sighs....i miss both of them...

my face has been clearing up now. for the past 4 years i have been using a foreign facewash. the brands that women here use. but then i went back to my roots and bought eskinol face wash and astringent. it actually works. im so loving it! i also love the price which is not too hard on my wallet. smells good too...i think its less chemicals or something. whatever it is, its working for me.

for the past few days ive been having back aches which i am really concerned about. i need to find a chiropractor asap!!! i guess it comes with my job. it sucks though.

anyway, got to go and sketch some ideas for JADE IMAGES FALL 2009 photoshoots. i am, afterall, the creative director. ciao bella's!!!

XOXO Yana

Yes Man!

Usually, I am NOT dying to watch a Jim Carrey movie. I am not a huge fan and, although, his movies has good humor in them and its really popular, it's not my cup of tea. I go for a different kind of humor. So when it came to watching this movie, I was a little hesitant.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. It was a movie with humor and at the same time depth. It is not just a comedy full of dumb scenes and funny one-liners. I found myself laughing throughout and it is because of the light humor it has to it. It is nothing serious or laugh-out-loud because that's what the movie is all about. Don't take life too seriously but find the balance not to treat it as a joke at the same time.

In this movie Carl (Carrey) is scarred from a past relationship that since his divorce, he refuses to enjoy life. In fact, he literally says "NO" to everything thrown at him. This leaves him into losing his friends and any semblance of life left in him. Then a friend of his invited him into a seminar where the one rule is saying, "yes." He follows it and one thing leads to another until he realizes that his life came back just by saying "yes." But always saying "yes" does not always benefit a person whereas Carl experiences the difference between literally saying "yes" and discovering things you actually want to say "yes" to.

Cast also includes Bradley Cooper, who plays the handsome and loyal bestfriend, James Masterson and the always adorable Zooey Deschanel who plays Allison.

Did I mention I love her? So cute!!!

So final thoughts...

Feel-good movie with a corny message on the surface but it definitely serves us a good lesson for life that we all should take notice. Life your life to the fullest and take a chance once in a while. You never know what you might miss.

This is one of my fave scenes from the movie. Brought back memories...that song is old school yo!

XOXO Yana

Job Well Done

I felt it this morning.

My boss and I are finally seeing eye to eye. We are totally comfortable and I don't give her any headaches now. That is one stress out of my life thank you very much.

Now for all the other stress...

You see as much of the little progress I have had with Gian, that much went back to the snail mail days that we started off. But his texts are getting sexier and flirtatious by the text. I'm loving it. Okay readers, don't over react. I am a big girl and this big-booty mama knows how to take care of herself. I mean, nothing totally dirty. Just some fun and not-the-type-of-text-your-mama-should-know-about type of stuff. I guess it's going good. No complains whatsoever but I just think that it's safe to assume that he is interested. I just don't know the extent.

Anyway, my Indian friend, Hetal, a fellow virgin with the hymen intact, and I were cruising around with my sister when we decided to go to this very nice looking sex shop. From the outside, it looked like a classy spa but on the inside....BAM! Sex everywhere! There were a couple of dirty old men touching this life-size and life-felt mannequin which was gross. SO we proceeded to the vibrators.

Guess what? We got one each.

Mine is this cute purple lipstick-size thingy with 6 different vibrations. dang!!! Hetal's was this small one disguised as a make-up brush so her strict Indian parents wouldn't notice. As for Jace, I mean, she's got tons so I doubt she needs any right now.

That was our little adventure. It was very exhilirating and liberating. If I was in the Philippines, I would never go to a place like that but here, it's totally different.

XOXO Yana

Summer Reading Selection

XOXO Yana 

Dilemmalicious

The four of us are dealing with a huge problem right now. We all can't figure out a way to plan a time frame where all of us can chat with the webcam. I mean, it's hard enough to decide on an exact time but its harder to communicate and talk about it!!! I mean, sending each other one message at a time in facebook is so complicated. Argh!!! 

Here's the deal: 

Oat is back in THAILAND

Ko is back in KAZAHKZTAN (yes, where Borat lives) 

Jace is in SAN DIEGO on the weekends. 

And I am here in ANAHEIM

God help us...

We are all losing our minds on facebook. 

XOXO Yana 

The Proposal

Just saw the movie with my mom. She's been dying to watch it so I invited her on a movie date with me since no one asks me out anyway...

But when I turned on the ignition of my car, Gian called. Nice friggin timing I should say. He just wanted to say "hi," that kind of stuff. It was sweet. It is also a step up from texting cause since we knew each other it's always been texting and texting. Atleast we might be going somewhere. Wishful thinking...

So about the movie

I'm pretty sure movie critics would love to bash this movie but if you are a true lover of movies then you may continue reading my critique. 

Isn't it obvious? I love it! It was, yes, I have to admit, a little predictable and way too corny but it was full of heart. I mean, for them to make a movie about what should be a serious issue in our times today and make it into a heart-felt romantic comedy is something special and worth seeing. Basically, Margaret (Bullock) is being deported back to Canada after failing to fill out some paper works while Matthew (Reynolds) is her tortured assistant waiting for a much-awaited promotion. She then blackmails him into pretending to marry her so she can stay and he can get the promotion. 

I think you can figure out what happens next. Either way, it brings out new laughs and adorable characters. The scenery is just magnificent. I never really cared much for Alaska until I saw this movie. It was beautiful!!! 

I almost forgot...Did I mention this movie is funny?!?!? I thought it was. Simple humor is always the best kind. 

Favorite Scene: Where a naked, freshly-showered Margaret fell on top of a sweaty and equally naked Ryan Reynolds. Classic and sexy!!! This movie reeks with chemistry and sugar!!! 

Such a good date movie. 

I'll end it here..."Someone" just texted me...

XOXO Yana 

I'm Going Crazy

Just logged out of facebook. Apparently the four of us, Jace, Ko, Oat and I, are all going pretty damn crazy not talking at all. For the past 24 hours we all have been struggling to cope without talking or spilling our guts to each other. It's only been what? Like 3 days? And already we're going berserk! I think I can already see what my future holds this summer. I will be so fucking antsy waiting for them to come back and so will they.

To think that I thought we would all grow apart.

We can't fucking live without each other!

We are all babies!

Anyway, work is doing pretty well if I might add. My doctor was singing me praises which I humbly thank her. You see, I work at a dental office even though I studied medical assisting. I was hired because she desperately needed someone to man the newer office so I was hired without any experience. So in a couple of months one of her best dental assistants quit. She was also like me; no experience but she became the best in three years. So my doctor hired another assistant. This time, she was a licensed dental assistant. But then, turns out, she didn't really know anything. So all morning, my doctor was telling Chantel, another good assistant who was off the other day, that she was miserable and it would have been better if I was in the other office. sighs...i just feel so damn good cause its rare for my doctor to give compliments. But I won't let this get into my head. I just hope things work out here for me.

Wish me luck!

XOXO Yana

Trailer-Addict

Have you ever gone inside a movie thetre planning to watch a movie and then hating it when you missed the beginning where they play the trailers?

I have.

The thing is, I am addicted to watching trailers. The excitement it gives you. The thrill of it when you wait for a movie you think you would like because you saw the trailer. Of course when you do arrive in time to see the trailers there are the series of nudging and excited glances if you came with someone to the movie.

sighs...Loves it!

I am deeply obssessed with trailers and upcoming movies that I even search for them online. I go to movieweb.com and then check out trailers that they in order of the movie's release dates. I especially look out for romantic movies (such a mosochist) and take note of them. They surprise me with the genius of their pairings. Some actors that you would never imagine to work together in a movie but surprsingly looks cute together. The amazing storyline! The ones I especially look out for are the indie romantic films. I think that usually make the most profound stories in the most simplest of ways. I have tried and tested and they are always worth watching out for. Take "Dedication." A Mandy Moore film. It doesn't get better than this. Such an odd couple along with Billy Crudup. I always think that he doesn't get the much bigger praise that he really deserves. So anyway, that movie was awesome. It was dark, quirky, humurous and romantic.

I am such a movie freak. You see I rarely criticize a movie. I don't like movie critics. To me, it's always finding what makes a film good not what makes it a bad film. I mean, if some director or writer decides to do this certain film then they must have seen something great, right? Yeah, some films are not as good as the other but it doesn't make it any less important or special. I think what it is is the blending of it. I guess the end result was executed poorly but somehow I manage to find the best out of the films I watch.

Here I'm listing some of the trailers I've seen and am looking forward to seeing in the near future. (Hopefully with a date)

1. My Life In Ruins_Mia Vardalos (star on My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

"A travel guide rediscovers her romantic side on a trip to Greece with the advances of her sexy tour bus driver."

2. The Proposal_Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds

"A pushy boos (Bullock) forces her young assistant to marry her in order to avoid deportation back to Canada."

3. 500 Days of Summer_Joseph Gordon Levitt (Brick) and Zooey Deschanel (Yes Man)

"A post modern love story where a hopeless romantic, Tom, gets dumped by his girlfriend and he begins a series of self-discovery in which he figures out what went wrong in the 500 days they were together."

4. Adam_Hugh Dancy (Evening) and Rose Byrne (Troy)

"A story about a man dealing with Asperger's Syndrome and a beautiful woman damaged from a past relationship. They tricky relationship ultimately leads to something universal: truly reaching another person means bravely stretching into uncomfortable territory and the resulting shake-up can be liberating."

5. Time Traveler's Wife_Eric Bana (The Other Boleyn Girl) and Rachel Mcadams (The Notebook)

"Bana plays a time traveler cursed by a rare genetic anomaly that causes him to live his life on a shifting timeline, shifting back and forth through his lifespan with no control. On the other hand, Clare is a woman trying to build a life with the man she so desperately loves."

6. All About Steve_Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper(He's Just Not That Into You)

"A crossword constructor goes on a date with a CNN cameraman and decides that they are meant for each other. So she follows him on a cross-country chase to convince them that they are meant for each other."

7. Love Happens_Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eackhart (No Reservations)

"A widower who turned his loss into a best-selling self-help book goes on a book tour and meets a woman along the way. He finds out that he hasn't really confronted his wife's death."

8. NY, I Love You_(All star cast)

"Consisting of 12 short films, this film is the second installment of the widely successful 'Paris, Ja Taime." This is set in New York this time showing the lives of different people from different backgrounds and ethnicities finding love in the great city of New York."

9. Greta_Hilary Duff and Evan Ross

"A story about a rebellious teen sent away to her grandparents for the summer."

I am so excited.

XOXO Yana

Two Months Without These Crazy Bitches.

We drove to LAX last night to drop off Oat and Ko. Oat, as usual, is going to Thailand and Ko is off to Kazahkstan. 

We do this kind of thing every beginning of the long-dreaded summer. Jace and I always drive the two of them to the airport. We line up with them to the baggage claim and then to the x-ray. We spot hot and sexy guys. If we would do them we would answer "da" and "nyet" if not. Saying it in Russian is less conspicuous. Then we would take pictures 30 minutes before they go to the departure area. But this year seems a little more lonely and unwanted. Feels like we were all going on different paths this time around. For the past 3 summers, we would all just say goodbyes and they would come back, we pick them up and we would have fun once again. 

This time really feels different. 

It feels more lonely. 

I had a HARDER time saying goodbye. 

You should have seen me in the airport. I was unstable and I just couldn't stand it. I wanted to leave as fast as I can. You know that feeling when you have a heavy feeling inside of you or like butterflies? Well, I had that but it was the bad kind. I truly miss them already and it's only been ten hours. My sister, my brother and I got home around 12am and now I'm awake 10 hours later. 

Mornings, I think, will be the hardest. Usually, when I wake up, I will see the mattress on top of the double-deck squeezed lower towards me. I would usually be nervous about it because I feel like it would collapse on me any minute. This is because Oat will be sleeping on top. When I woke up....Nothing...Absolutely nothing. No movement for several minutes which is unlikely of Oat. Then I turned to my right and it was also empty. The floor-space that I usually have the biggest problem with because it's always occupied with Ko's pull-out bed under Jace's bed. I would always complain because I feel like I can't even see the floor anymore. This time, there was no pull-out bed because everything is tucked to where it's supposed to be. 

No Oat and no Ko. Everything was quiet. I would normally prefer this but I don't at this moment. It sucks because today is a Wednesday. My usual day-off, if I'm lucky. I go out with them and my sister. Now I have absolutely nothing to do and I am free the whole day. 

Very peculiar. Very sad. 

Like I was saying, this summer is especially different because I feel that we all are actually growing up and apart. In a couple of weeks...

Jace is taking her board exams. 

Ko is taking an internship at this mental hospital in his country. 

Oat is dealing with his family issues. 

And I met a guy. 

I actually have a gam plan this summer. I listed all the things that needed to be done in the house and the things that needed to be bought. Books I have to read and music I want to download. People I should catch up on. I seriously just want to keep every minute of my summer super busy to make time go faster. I get to hang out with my mom too. 

Wish me luck. 

and see You guys soon. 

XOXO Yana 

It Turned Out Ok

Well, the weekend is over. My mom is back from her trip. And I had the best time of my 20th year here on earth.

How can I explain it here without it becomng too personal. Believe it or not, I do like to keep some things to myself. So Friday started as planned. I got home from work and by the time I arrived at my house Ko, Oat, Jace and Dan set up all the arrangements, food and drinks already. It was perfect to me because I was kinda stressed out because I was never sure that my mom would go and the one person I wanted to come wasn't coming so it was starting to suck. But I just realized that I have the best people on the world (my mom is also but along the lines of having fun ad partying) was there to just relax and drink with me.

One person did come, whom Ko invited. Chris is his name and he is Ko's friend from Riverside. He is really nice and interesting to talk to. Let me tell you, he brought some gay drama in the get-together. It was bearable and fun drama though. It was funny watching Ko and Oat sort of try and win his affections. Although I'm sure none of them really liked him, if you know what I mean. To those two, eveything feels like a competition. Badings...

My brother on the other hand surprisingly revealed to me some deep feelings that he's been keeping for a long time. I guess he broke it off with his girlfriend and now he is having trouble adjusting. No one knows about it exceot for me and Oat. I guess he has trouble opening up to people. But the whole time I was listening to him, I felt like he was lecturing me, in a good way, about the hardships of breaking up. He told me his sadness and why some music reminds him of his ex. Sometimes he still thinks about her and wonder what if they are still together? I saw him grow more mature in front of my eyes. I just can't believe I'll see the day. I literally teared up and gave him a big hug. I am so proud of him. He grew up to be a wonderful gentleman.

Some little drama occured with my brother-in-law who I despise. I just can't stand the guy. You can't blame me if you have met him, honestly. He pretended to be drunk and saying all these stupid things. Let's not even talk about him. I'm just glad my sister's staying all weekend without him.

The whole time of the party, Gian texted me. He told me that, if it's ok with me, he can come by after his work and we'll grab a bite to eat just the two of us. That is if I was still conscious. hehehe!

Then 2am came.

I can literally hear my heartbeat.
That annoying voice in your head.
I can hear Ko and Oat asking me, "Is it 2 yet?"
I guess he brushed me off.....

Then 2:15 came.

He called and said he's on his way. So he came in and said "hi" to everybody and then we left. It was a long drive from Anaheim to Los Angeles. There were the normal and polite conversation starters. Few laughs here and there until we arrived at this Mexican Restaurant that is open until the wee hours of the morning for people just coming out of the club. So we ate kinda awkwardly. Some smiles and laughs again...Then it was done. We went outside to his car and he wanted to smoke for a bit. I was standing right by his car and then he brought out this beach chair from his trunk and unfolded it for me. I was sitting there in the middle of the parking lot sunbathing without the sun. I have to admit, it was cute. He is such the charmer. So we went home and since we were talking about "True Blood," we decided to watch it at home on On Demand. It was 4am and we just decided to cuddle. He was freezing a little bit so he hugged me and he said that I was warm.

I am so fucking corny right now.

So yeah...I guess I'll stop there...We kissed and cuddled until 12pm. Shh...

XOXO Yana

Thursday

Yey that means tomorrow is the day.

My friends and I have been planning this get together thing for a while now. Its perfect since my mom is going to Vegas for the whole weekend. Don't worry, she knows I'm doin it. It's just funny that when i mentioned to her alcohol, she said, "Now I trust you. You can drink but just don't get drunk." I'm like, "Yeah...right." My mom is such the comedian! I remember the time when I got drunk. It was just this one time that I just had too much to drink and was having so much fun.

It was weird cause i didn't really drink as much as I normally would and it was only gin and tonic. I guess I had the empty stomach and the whole atmosphere with the friends I'm with was relaxed and all. So we played cards games and had a bunch of laughs. Then we were all getting drunk all of a sudden. Usually, I'm the one who's always in control of the situation or I am the last one standing. But on the way home from the party, I felt like throwing up. As if the situation wasn't gnarly enough, we had to stop in front of a strip club. So there I was throwing my guts out infront of a strip club. Nice!

so speaking of alcohol, tomorrow is the day when me and my friends are gonna have our mini get together. As if we're not together enough as it is. We're just having chicken wings and alcohol. I think there's some doughnuts somewhere too. My mom's gonna be off to Vegas. I think. It kinda sucks cause until now, she's not sure whether she's going or not. I hate the fact that she makes it so obvious that she wants to ruin my one weekend without her. I mean, her and my younger brother gets my weekends. I even have to drag my friends along. I mean, it's either we're driving Dan somewhere or something. We can't make plans because they make it for us. We can't do any young adults stuff cause I'm obligated for all the weekends that I'm free.

God! Can't I have this one weekend for myself. You know, get wasted or just plain laugh out loud fun. Just this once! I mean, Gian isn't even coming. He has to work or something. Lame.

XOXO Yana

He's Just Not That Into You

I have been dying to see this movie since it first came out of theatres. Since none of my friends (bitches!) accompanied me to see this torture-masochistic-fest, i settled to wait for the dvd release. And boy did it hit me hard!

It was clearly another thought-provoking movie for me. I know it's just a movie like a lot of the movies I like but it left me with a big question mark blinking at the side of my head. It sounds stupid but it gave me answers but it also created more questions. You see, when you're in a relationship you see this movie and you either like it or you don't. When you're single you think about it.....THOUROUGHLY. Did I even spell that right?

But I have to admit I am a sucker for cute romantic movies like these and I loved it! I am so masochistic. My favorite was Gigi and Alex.

Gigi: "I'm the exception."

Alex: "You're my exception."

sighs...

I am the queen of sighs. I watch a movie and i act like I am completely part of it.

So yeah, they were both cute. Ginnifer and Justin have a surprisingly good chemistry. I did not expect that of Justin Long. Although, Ginnifer Goodwin has acted like these love-sick girls, she is still ooooober adorable to watch. I feel like I am seeing myself onscreen.

So my advice, if you appreciate feel-good movies and is not too critical and hateful of movies, WATCH IT!!!

I can't wait to be someone's exception!

XOXO Yana

The Happiest Place on Earth

No, it's not Disneyland. Atleast it wasn't for me and my gay friend Oat last Saturday.

Let me introduce you to my bank.

So every other Saturday I get my much-awaited paycheck and deposit it into my bank account. I have been doing it for over a year now and it's pretty much a regular thing. But, not with my bank it isn't. You see, recently, I have been dragging Oat along. Actually, it's not much dragging but it's more like him pushing me to go. Since I brought him there, my bank pretty much became a peep show with clothes. Tons of eye candy for the both of us. But that does not mean we're sharing. We both have our own preference and we pretty much have a bid on a guy.

Hence, bank-depositing will never be dull ever again!

Well, my banker looks like a hot dork. Did I mention I like nerds? There is something in them that you know they are hiding something sexy. My "banker" and I have been interacting for a while now cause his booth is where I usually end up in. (hm...sounds fishy...I have my means sometimes) So we have been talking about randon stuff. For example my new purple (duh!) sunglasses, that he pointed out, matched his shirt. Basically, he likes them. We always have these mini conversations that is summed up with insignificant things that has nothing to do with banking. I just love how we extend our "time together" through talking so I can eye him up more. sighs...I love banking!!! To me he is like Hugh Jackman. I can always look at him as much as I like but can never touch because he will always be behind that glass window.

even more sighs...

Now to Oat. He doesn't really have a "banker" so to speak. He has just been accompanying me for the past 3 weeks. So let me just call his banker "9am." It's technically "9 o'clock" but I ain't typing that long. So Oat has made little contact with 9am so far. He is always in those desks at the side of the bank and he is, according to Oat, in his 9 o'clock line of vision. So Oat reported to me that they have made eye-contacts. So I guess, that's that.

With all the eye candy for our satisfaction guaranteed and for free, Oat dubbed this place, just on Saturdays, THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. Move over Disneyland!

XOXO Yana

losing it

Not my mind okay? But I am trying, trying being the operative word, to lose the lb's. Before that let me just say...

I'm loving the weather for the past two days. Weatherman says that there is a "storm gathering." Creepy...sounds like it came out of a Harry Potter movie or, even sexier, Twilight. It's gloomy and cool. Not too cold but just right. I'm loving it. Makes you want to listen to Jason Mraz songs and sit infront of a fireplace drinking booze and smokin a doobie. Just kidding! Maybe a cup of hot tea or hot coco. That will suffice.

So back to my original blogging...

My mom signed the whole fam bam up for 24-hour fitness. We also get a couple of free passes so we can let Oat tag along. Like a family stuck on glue, we all went together and entered this unknown domain of sweat and vain people. It was mind-boggling right from the start. We all assumed that all unoccupied equipments was jacked up. But it took us a while to figure out that all we needed to do was to start peddaling and the machine immediately starts. Voila!!! And so the beginning of our "Operation: Lose It" has commenced! Drum roll...cue the marching band...ding ding ding! (all those random sounds doesn't really go together but whatever, leave me alone.)

We were there for an hour. Personally, I started slow because it was my first time and I was just starting to feel the equipments and what I have to do next time I come back...and oh yeah, there will be a next time. It was good and easy. Not as horrifying or mortifying as I thought it would be. But the best part is that the motivation this gym gives to you. It really gives you the power and strength to defy odds and lose the pounds and sweat it out. It's easy...

1. Try as hard as you can...to find an adonis or most commonly known as a "hot guy."

2. Go to an equipment, not necessarily near him, as long as you have a good view of your favorite male body part, may is be the arms, legs or the ass.

3. Then start exercising...

4. When you feel like giving up, just gaze up at your "eye-candy" and tell yourself, "You can do this. That "hot piece of ass" will soon be mine with my new sexy body.

I don't know about you but it works wonders for me. Atleast on the first day of working out. If it doesn't then I think it's about time you hire a trainer, yeah?

XOXO Yana

Reading Sex

If you're a girly girl, let me ask you this...

Do you miss having to watch Sex & the City episodes at night? Or those re-runs they have on other networks? Do you miss having to watch out for the next ensemble Patricia Fields will put Carrie Bradshaw in? Do you miss following trends that the sexy gals wil wear depending on your mood?

Well I do and it sucks...

Since the Sex&theCity movie came out and went it felt like there is no real fashion anymore on TV. Yeah there is Gossip Girl but for the most part, it still is different with Sex & the City. Patricia Fields is a genius!!! Through her, each SATC gal owns their look and character. Enough about that...I'll blog about the fashion stuff on another blog.

But for now, I will have to be content reading SATC and SATC:THE MOVIE fashion books and everything about the series. I love it!!!

XOXO Yana

The Cold War is Over

I am happy to report that my mom and I are talking again. I just wanted the whole thing to be done because it was blown out of proportion and it did not deserve the iciness it brought about around the house. I held on and did not talk to my mom in two days. It is probably the longest I ever went not talking to her. It was hard but all I want was to stand firm behind what I said and I did not want to apologize because I believe that I did not do anything wrong.

I guess my conscience got the best of me because in the last two days, she looked tired and actually was diagnosed with carpal tunnel. It saddened me because she might not be able to play badminton again if she does not take the surgery. It is her favorite sport and she has been dying to play. So what I really planned on doing was to talk to her for a but and see if she is over the whole thing but I will not apologize. I still have a little pride in me left.

I went up to her and asked,
"Are you still mad?"
She said, "No."
I said, "Really, promise?"

And the rest was history. It was that easy. I guess moms are really the loving type huh? They just have so much in their mind that they let go of stuff. Thanks mom. I love you.

XOXO Yana

Memorial Day. Another day of laziness and chilaxing. I don't really know what people do during this day but here's our version...

Woke up late. Then right off the bat we prepared some salad, chips and salsa, baked salmon, spicy sausages and steak. It was all good. Very fulfilling. There were sodas and some ready-made margaritas and mojitos thanks to my mom who did not care to read the fine print that it has alcohol. All the all, the day was sun-shiny and it was turning out to be an eventful day. Ko needed some help to take photos for his homework that led us to a chase around Orange County looking for hazardous signs. We went from gas station to gas station, then to Home Depot, where we also scouted some hot employees, and last was this parking of big trucks where a security guard "shoo'd" us away leaving us all paranoid.

We went home to what seemed like a belated happy birthday singing spree for me. My aunt brought a cake of chocolate and mangoes which is truly divine. We finished more than half of the cake and when we were all full, my brother showed us the fun of target practice with pellets. We had a series of misfires and bull's eye and the inevitable "Wanted" moves that we were all daringly capable of. So the boys, true to their nature, ventured off into Boy's Land and played video games while I was left to myself wondering what the hell am I supposed to do? I fell asleep and by 8pm we all just decided to go to Berrysweet. I invited Gian cause let's face it, what have I got to lose anyway?

It turned out to be an interesting night because Gian came. I haven't seen him in a long time and he looked adoringly the same. Everything was fine. It was just hard to keep on talking. The yogurt and the night was great...that is until I got home and my mom wanted to talk to me. She got angry because I told her I was going to Berrysweet and did not tell her about Gian. I did not even have the time to savour the "Gian" time when she just ruined it. I felt like a child and that my mom was implying how horrible a person I was and that I was a lying scheming bitch.

Thanks mom.

I am fucking 20 years old. She kept on saying that I don't understand why she's angry but I do. I was calm and just said "yes, I made a mistake." But noooo!!! I guess to her, that wasn't enough. She just had to go on making me feel so guilty. I made one fucking slip! It's not like I did drugs or something. I was even with my two gay friends. I know I forgot to mention it but can't she understand from my point of view??? Maybe i got a little excited and just thought that the destination to where I'm off to would suffice. I mean, she went through her 20s also right??? What adds on to the frustration is the fact that my siblings could have done worse than I did. My 13-year old brother kept his girlfriend from her for weeks! My sister likes sex! She just calmed down and tried not to get angry. Then there's me, who forgot to fucking say that I was meeting a guy I like which nothing even happened. It wasn't even 12 am yet!!! I mean, truly, what the fuck!!!!!!! I feel so suffocated and violated and insulted!!! She didn't even try to be civil. She didn't even try to listen to me. fuck!!! I cannot stand her right now.

XOXO Yana

one good deed at a time

Today is just like any other day. Even I am getting bored describing my days like that but it's the truth. Nothing significant or exciting is happening in my life lately. But that doesn't mean that I can't take pictures of my day to day. I'm OCD. Why did i mention that you ask? Well, I like posting pictures on my myspace, friendster and facebook profiles. But before I do so, I organize them by date and occasion so now I am in the process of editing them and then posting. It will take a while but it will be a lot in one showing.

Speaking of the title...I just felt good about myself because I work at a clinic and usually, when my doctor is not here, I am by myself. Then a while ago this old man came inside and i could not understand what he was saying at first. But when he composed himself and told me that he just needs a toothbrush and is willing to pay me some persian carpets, I just decided to give it to him. He looked like a harmless man, although, let's be honest, there is no "harmless" person anymore. So he commenced into some flattery saying "You're beautiful," although, I think that he meant on the inside. Teehee! My humble nature astounds me! So he left leaving behind a very satisfied lady. Me! The world should be filled with ARKs of God. Please say it with me...One ACT of RANDOM KINDESS at a time...Amen!

XOXO Yana

Setting Myself up for Diss_apointment

It's my birthday today. Whoopee!

I somehow feel obligated to write something here...anything...because it's the celebration of my 20th year being a sarcastic, foul-mouthed, highly obssessive natured bitch slash human being. whew!

Also I have a very "special" follower who I want to update from time to time.

So here it goes. I woke up feeling like it is just like any other day. Quiet...the sounds of the constuction machines behind my house renovating the park suddenly defeans me. It certainly is gonna be an insignificant day. So I washed my face...one of the many things i look forward to doing. Neutrogena's cream face wash is oh so soothing and really promises to transform my face into a smooth silky texture. Whoops! Don't forget the moisturizer now! So i go on and do my other morning routine...and then there's work.

Let's not talk about that right now.

My dad greeted me yesterday. So sweet, i love him. If I grow old single and alone, I know that he will be the first and last man in my life. I miss you!!! Then my mom greeted me too...then there was a series of facebook messages and phonecalls and text messages that took place which I deeply enjoyed and left me very warm and satisfied. Only there is this ringing in my ear. Ringing of the ever apparent and usual suspect in my head, the sound of disapointment. I was hoping for a greeting from a guy. Yes, a guy. Sounds pathetic? Not nearly as pathetic as the picture of me actually thinking that he will. Woah!

Questions questions...Did he forget? Will he text me for the remaining duration of the day? Does he even know that it is?

I guess i can say that I like him. Maybe this makes me dillusional into thinking that he will text me or that he actually cares. oh well...

The whole time that we were talking on the phone and texting or whatever, my friend, Oat, his voice has been ringing in ear the whole time. We both have been in similar situations and we both feel the same insecurities, doubts, confusions, etc. So he mentioned to me this....

"Yana, why do we always set ourselves up for disapointment?"

How can one little statement like that affect my whole way of thinking about things, I wonder. Since the day he said that, I have been asking the same question over and over a day but coming up with no answer. Maybe we all are fools of love...Or maybe just the IDEA of love. I need a cupid badly!

XOXO Yana

Moving on

It is about that time where my family and I are moving to a new house. I just feel that in the last 20 years of my life, i havent really stayed put. Although all the homes we lived in, I thought, were my home. I guess my family has this itch that we can't really stay put in a place for so long a time. Think of us as gypsies in the deep blue waters of the world. We move from one destination to the next yet we find peace and tranquility and leaving our memories painted on the old one. That's my family. We leave our mark everywhere. We are hard to forget.

I am excited to move into this new house cause its cozier and more serene. I love unpacking and organizinbg stuff. Im OCD you know...It's just my thing to try and fix everything I see wrong around me. Ironically, I can'r fix the things inside me. But that's just another blog...

Right now my main problem is to find an affordable bunk bed. I was gonna get one but it didn't work out. It's not meant to be...sighs...Anyway, I can't wait to go home and get my hands on those unpacked boxes. I feel so refreshed and a whole new person. Yeah, a new house and new surroundings does that to me.

I Think I'm Stupid

I feel like I'm breaking down.

I tend to forget things in a short period of time. I don't even remember what I did on the job. I have notes on it or what I have done but I don't have a memory of it. When I try to remember things, i see a jumble of images that makes no sense to me. My mind is a whirlwind of confusion and loss. I have been called stupid a number of times and they are happening at a close distance from each other. Day by day, i feel the weight of my mistakes take a toll on me. I feel less confident of myself and the things I do. Whenever I try to accomplish something, I feel that the work I have in front of me is completely wrong. What the hell is wrong with me?

Sometimes, I feel like I did something but there is completely no record of it but there is in my memory. It seems as if some gods or nymphs are playing a trick on my mind. I am mostly unfocused and I tend to drift off. I don't want to but I just do. I feel so useless and ignorant in a world where most people run around in a rush while I'm taking my time walking, taking it step by step...I am being left behind. Then I wonder, maybe I'm sick or maybe I have a tumor in my head. This overreaction may seem inappropriate but maybe I'm just plain stupid.

That is thanks to my wonderful boss who makes me feel like such a loser and a dumbass everyday I go to work.

XOXO Yana

V Day Approaches

It's raining again. It was only a couple of days ago that I had a nose bleed cause of the warm weather and now, ironically, its raining hard. It kinda sucks because I love rain but it adds up to the loneliness. To my loneliness. It is almost Valentines day and all I have is my job and this crazy California weather. My days are stretched into hollow emptiness and meaningless hard work. I work hard and yet I don't feel that I gain anything. I lose part of myself in my work and my stress-levels have gone way above normal rate. It is almost not worth it. Or it is really not worth it. I strive towards a better me but somehow, it does not go hand in hand with a better love life. People say, "Be more open," or "Go out there." Yeah right. It's easier said than done. I am the most open person I know. I am myself most of the time, so why am I still single? Conceited as it may sound but I think I am a great girl to hang out with. I am good company and listener and the world is missing out on a great adventure. I talk too high of myself but it helps to ease out the failure of havign a real commitment.

Maybe it's because of my attitude. I easily change moods all the time. It's a yo-yo from this minute to the next. I can't stop it. It has total control over me. A wise gay man once said, "You're moods swings are in direct proportion to your stress-levels." That is so totally true. Maybe a guy should have lost their minds before getting in a relationship with me afterall.

So far...I hate Valentines Day.